Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
