worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
