Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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