My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
