youre lurking in front of me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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