Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
