I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
