i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
