Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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