apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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