I accidentally had phone sex last night
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
