yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
