He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
