I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
