My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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