Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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