I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
