I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
