Jerry, you need to find god
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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