I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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