You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
