and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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