I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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