I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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