She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
