my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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