I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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