We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
