So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
