Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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