watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
