oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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