I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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