you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
