she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm passing your future prison.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
