i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
