Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
