omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
