I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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