I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
