You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
