he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will pee on everything he values.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
