you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
