There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
