Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
