i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
