I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
