Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
