wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
