I love black thongs
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
